apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
