I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
