The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
