i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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