Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
