i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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