My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize