We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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