I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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