I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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