Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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