I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
