My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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