can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
