Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
