I hate all girls vehemently.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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