Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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