forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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