After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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