I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
