the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
