you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
