I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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