what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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