I think i peed on brittanys purse
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
