Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
