So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
