great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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