I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
