grandma shit on top of the toilet
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
