Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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