i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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