@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
