great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize