this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
