Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
