unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
