She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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