goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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