Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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