i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
50% drunk capacity currently
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
