Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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