it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
