i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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