and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
