It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
