Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
