He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
