Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
