Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
