I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
