sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
