maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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