dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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