Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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