Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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