I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
