she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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