we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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