he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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