my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
