I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
a search helicopter?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
