my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
