I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize