Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize