On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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