someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
