i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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