when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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