I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
