Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
