I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
