We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
