he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
