Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
