we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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