i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
