is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
