So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
