i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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